I shouldn't be writing this

I have an exam in nine hours. I'm done with 17% of the course. Tomorrow the paper is going to hold me down against a desk and have it's way with me, groaning with violent lust and leaving bloody and crying in a corner at the end of it.

Maths... lots of 3D geometry and calculus with a chapter on infinite sequences sticking out of the rest of the syllabus like a sore thumb. The anticipation has not let me study... really. Getting home, be it for a mere momentary lapse in the fierce tempest of competition and exploration, is getting hard to resist.

I enjoy this far too much. Being a wraith in the desert, bowing to nothing and no one but my own mistakes. Free to extend myself at will, or to coil into myself and rest. Sleep was a given, once, now it is a luxury I often can not afford. I won't miss this place, I'll have no opportunity to, I'll be back much sooner than I am won't to, all that I have been offered is another moment's respite. 

Perhaps I've become sluggish. Perhaps it is time to become that monster once again... but I have really grown to enjoy my human days- some days I enjoy life even at it's harshest and most competitive. Is it lethargy or the desire to move on? Both, I would wager, because that's just how things seem to work. 

The kind of goals I have set for myself... seem unreachable... but it gives me a new challenge to push for.

A dog entered my room today- there are footprints on a laptop bag as proof of its presence. I hope it didn't defecate in a corner, the room smells normal. Otherwise I'll be in for a shock after I return in a month. 

I should study now.

Or eat.

Ok.

Study.

STUDY!