In conversation

I was walking, talking to myself- when I heard a voice reply.


"Who are you?" I asked. "You already know." It replied.
I did know.
"Do you know the answers to my questions?"
"I know them better than you do."
Then tell me- "Am I in love?"
"You already know."
Thanks, that helps.

"What do I do now?" I asked. "What do you want to do?" It asked.

"I can't... this is not the right time. If- I cannot redeem myself now, I'll carry the burden on my shoulders for the rest of my life. The burden of not trying me hardest to get a firm grip on my future. 12 years of cumulative effort, lost- just for this. "

"If you do nothing- will you regret it?"
It was an easy answer. "Yes." "So why are you in doubt?" It asked.
"What if I hate her because of this? I can't stand the thought of ever hating her."
"Then don't."
"Why... now? Can't I do it, after all of this is finished? When I'm free?"
The voice whistled. "Four months- who would wait four months?"
"I would, and much longer."
"Yes, for her- not for yourself."
I guess that was fair, I can't imagine anyone waiting for me.

"What if she rips out my bared heart-? Rends it apart and leaves it out to dry?"
It enquired further- "How do you persist- why have you lost all hope?"
I thought for a while. "Instinctively... I can tell that she does not feel for me."
"Yet that does not seem to be enough to stop you. Where is your confidence now, where is that arrogance which you wear with pride?" The voice in my head was asking me questions now.

"What can I say? No-one has ever made my heart throb like this before, ever made me smile with this kind of purity, I've never been able look past anyone else's flaws like they did not exist. No one else has ever entered my dreams. She's too good for me, and she probably knows it."
"How can you say it with such ease- when you saw the way she looked at you in your dream."

I paused. "That wasn't her. It was you. I am not so naive as to fall for any cheap imitation. You are just a dreamer trying to live through me. I am the one who must struggle to survive everyday. I am... less than nothing. All I can try to do... is help her in any way I can."

"Do you not think that you have felt her heart?"

Have I? "I cannot even distill true feelings from false ones."

"If you are incapable of doing even that- why do you insist on making her do this to you?"

"Because... if I have fallen in love with a facade... then I deserve to have my heart shattered."