Might as well deliver some of my choice conversations with miscellaneous vendors.
Advertiser = A
Me = Me
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Airtel
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A: Hello sir.
Me: Yes.
A: Sir, I am speaking from Airtel sir.
Me: What is this regarding?
A: Actually sir we have some new offers regarding broadband connections.
Me: Oh?
A: Sir, I'd like to tell you about our plans.
Me: *politely* No need. I want an Airtel Broadband Connection.
A: *Shocked* Really! sir?
Me: Yes. In fact, I've been applying for the connection for the last month and you keep refusing to give it to me.
A: Uh, sir, where do you live?
Me: Kaka Nagar.
A: *Pause* Actually, sir, we don't have wiring in that area, so thats why-
Me: Then why the fuck are you calling to offer me Internet?
*disconnected*
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FIITJEE
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A: Hello, *Insert old FIITJEE ID No. Here*, Could you please tell me your ranks in JEE, AIEEE, CEE and the boards?
Me: No.
A: *Pissed* What? Why?
Me: FIITJEE does not deserve credit for any of those things.
A: What makes you say that?
Me: Your teaching methods didn't work on me.
A: You're saying that we don't know how to prepare you for JEE? Don't you know that JEE rank 1 is from FIITJEE. You think he is wrong or you are wrong? He has written thank you letter.
Me: Not my place to decide, your method must have worked for him.
A: What do you think we did wrong?
Me: You treated students like cattle. Didn't even provide a proper toilet.
A: How dare you say. You didn't get through anywhere and you blame us?! Rank 1 is from FIITJEE! Its because YOU weren't prepared! YOU couldn't handle it! Join our 1 year programme and maybe next year you can atleast get something in AIEEE.
Its your fault! YOUR only chance now-
Me: *Pissed* It didn't work the first time... Also I'VE GOTTEN IN- SO STOP CALLING ME!
*SLAM*
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Random Female
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A: Sir, I'm calling to offer you...
Me: How did you get my number?
A: Sir I'm calling to... offer a card/insurance/something blah blah
Me: How did you get my number?
A: Actually sir, we're calling to offer blah blah
Me: Don't you know I'm in the national do not call directory?
A: Actually sir, I don't know... I'm just a sales rep.
Me: What, you're calling me on this number and you don't know how you got it or if its legal? What kind of shoddy employee are you?
A: Actually sir, the telephone providers sell us the number-lists of those who aren't on the Do not call list. They must have forgot to update.
Me: My Service Provider is selling my number?
A: Yes sir.
Me: What do you know about this? Is it legal- I thought there were laws against this kind of thing.
A: I don't know sir.
Me: I'm pretty sure there are, could you please give me your number so I can confirm and call back- what company did you say you were calling from?
*Disconnected*
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Today
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A: Sir, are you Amitabh Kumar?
Me: No.
A: Is this 91MYNUMBER?
Me: Yes.
A: Are you the current user of this phone.
Me: Yes.
A: Sir your number has been selected in a lucky draw for a special offer, we're offering you a Platinum credit card!
Me: Lucky draw?
A: Yes sir, we're offering you the card available instantly and with no limits, no conditions, no verification and no asset checks!
Me: *snap* NO ASSET CHECKS?
A: *cheerfully* Yup.
Me: What the hell is this? Do you people do NO RESEARCH AT ALL?!
A: Wha-
Me: I have no salary or credit history and you want to give people like me a limitless credit card at 30% interest?! ARE YOU ACTIVELY TRYING TO GET PEOPLE INTO DEBT?
A: Now listen to me sir-
Me: DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSED THE RECESSION WE'RE IN?!
A: *murmurs of protest*
Me: Stupid banks.
*Disconnect*
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Short one
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A: Hello sir, I'd like to offer you a long term property investment plan.
Me: How often do you call someone this is even vaguely relevant to?
*Disconnect*
10 comments:
Epic win, man! Awesome stuff. :D Were those REALLY your replies?!
Yes- the conversations themselves were of course in a mix of Hindi and English.
there are do not disturb services... though i am sure you kno....
and you know..... those sales people are just doin their job.....
The DnD services need me to pay.
Also, these people get paid regardless of what I do.
Absolutely brilliant. The Airtel thing has happened with me too. They didn't have wiring and offered me broadband. Then later they call up and say that they can't provide.
Long time no see Anshuman, how's life treating you? Abh chhuttiyon mein toh milna parega.
Yup. Its been a long time. My net here is paid so i don't always have net access.And yeah. Will definitely meet in the holidays. :)
Paid? How expensive is it?
Mine's 350 bucks for 6 months shitty-kbps unlimited.
Super expensive... Rs550 for 4GB data usage/30days (whichever expires first). And the speed is a measly 256kbps - sometimes less. :-(
Oh...
and you get some 2mbps unlimited in the comp labs for free. Forgot about that.
Life-wife kaisi chal chal rahi hai?
And say thanks to your friend 'dew' for commenting on my blog.
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