-CENSORED-
Do you want to know what he really said? It'll sound even more narcissistic than what I'd written.
-


Guess that counts for something.
I'm becoming more of a thrill-seeker every day.

Where are my desires?

Where is that book I've needed to write for a year?
My writing ability is deteriorating with every passing day. Soon I'll be unable to write at all.

Where is the success that I am told that I have achieved?
In some abstract corner? An imaginary variable.

Where is the freedom I long for most?
With every passing day- it is further from me than the last.

Where is my art?
All I see is lazy bastardization and cliche... my lack of technical skill infuriates me- yet I do not have the time to practice.

Where is my science?
I did not think that this would be something I'd lose... but... where am I. Lost in a confusion of equations and evaluations, I no longer thirst for knowledge in the same way. Blame coaching, perhaps.

Where is my body?
I've lost it already- and to the least interesting desire of the flesh.

Where is my Mind?
I used to like thinking of myself as a deep, mysterious personality- Yet all I find is blank space and an empty soul. Maybe I just don't want to think any more... it's too painful, self-destructive.
Funny how I can't seem to reconcile the roles of actor and observer.

Where is my Love?
Fucking some guy quite regularly, no doubt.

Seriously though... even doing things is getting boring.
For now, I'll bury these doubts under the badly formed strumming of my guitar.

Strong enough to Resist?
Or
Weak enough to Fold?


Does it even make a difference?

god

DAMN IT.

Jealousy is NOT something I do often. I don't like this.