Arguing on the internet is a complex phenomenon, a modern day user should be well aware of the pitfalls and mystifying techniques of arguing over the internet.
As an expert on the subject, I will now present the results of my extensive personal research and the opinions of other expert sociologists (a.k.a other people who've never studied sociology)
"Arguing on the Internet is like arguing with a retarded child- There is no 'winning', only ever deeper levels of shame." (This is also RULE 1 of arguing on the internet)
Truer words haven't been said.
There is no conclusive victory to be had on the internet. Those who argue for a sense of final domination over another will be destroyed on the internet.
It is impossible to corner someone and force a reaction. Hell, its impossible in real life, unless you use methods of physical intimidation or other coercion.
On the other hand, everyone on the internet- even the most inept debater- will have mastered the 'fade-away' defensive maneuver that renders the ham-fisted approach null.
NOTE: Note, the ham-fisted arguer is the guy who uses power, and not logic to substantiate a view. Possibly a physically powerful man used to bullying others into submission in the real world- or someone functioning within a group- and deriving power from that group. Yes, the school bully and the message-board-evangelist come under the same category.
The 'fade-away' is a simple technique that all warriors, ninjas and assassins of the keyboard should know.
It consists of disappearing from an argument altogether, thereby creating a status quo in your favour. The fade-away should not be confused with the 'run-away' aka disappearing when you start to lose. The fade away, if performed correctly, is a powerful finishing blow. It tells your opponent that you do not even consider him worthy enough to continue the argument, leaves you invulnerable to further attack (as the man will only end up speaking to himself) and can deal a stinging blow to someone's ego as they think that you think you've won the argument.
(Please note, however, that you should not think you've won- remember rule 1)
A fade-away is to be performed after you land a critical hit, so to speak, and the opponent is unable to stop himself from from sounding like an ass and you've got a wide opening to attack- you initiate a cold-hearted stab to the heart- but without going overboard, and remembering to include hints of arrogance and of losing interest, and then disappearing into the swirls of another electronic dimension, seemingly never to return.
A 'Run-away' on the other hand, is to evade defeat by well, going poof. Much less honourable, but equally annoying.
I should talk about the two major forms of trouble-makers on the net-
The Flamer and the Troll.
Before I begin my introduction, I will tell you WHY.
Why fight on the internet? What have you to gain?
Nothing- as I replied earlier. The only gain is for those who simply cannot resist the temptation to interfere. The interference, and attempt to propagate one's own views, the act is the only reward one can expect. Rarely, it is possible, that you might enlighten a person and let him see in a way he did not earlier, but don't stake your reputation on it.
Those who simply like annoying people will take to trolling like iron powder to an electromagnet- because gullible morons who let the internet get to them are the only thing that is guaranteed in this field of work.
The reason that I do it, is probably the same reason that many of you will- it's a great way of taking out your frustration on random strangers on the internet.
I think that I will define the second law of AotI here-
Channel your negative emotions into the internet, but never let the internet affect you negatively. Seriously, you aren't supposed to care about some guy who you'll never meet who knows nothing about you, grow a thicker skin, please.
On to the two basic classes of internet mudslingers-
1) The FLAMER
Flaming is simple, flaming is easy. It stirs up a storm rather frequently and burns out quickly. Perfect for people with a short attention spam and a penchant for making many, many fake accounts. Sadly, flaming is easy to recognize, and hence, easy to be penalized for on online fora. In an era of IP bans, not a good idea.
The concept is simple. Insult another person directly, rage and fume incoherently, make a few personal attacks and random insults until you get a response. You will probably be kicked out soon afterwards.
This was the original method of choice back when the brains of the argumentarian were somewhat... under-developed. I won't recommend this method if you plan to stick to any community- it may also lower your IQ on prolonged use.
E.g
acewing22: Lol I love star wars and the xwings
fireballx2: acewing22 has a small dick and rapes little children
Flaming is traditionally associated with being angry or upset or the like, but these days Cold-Flaming- throwing insults with no provocation whatsoever, has become fairly common.
2) The Troll
The troll is the internet debater's method of choice. The troll can be further divided into the Massive Troll and the Ninja Troll.
The nomenclature of the word 'trolling' for this form of argument is intriguing and no doubt has a rich history somewhat related to Gremlins and that old Ernest movie with the trolls (scary shit), which have given rise to the term 'Don't feed the trolls'. I am not aware of anything related to the etymology of the word, so we must continue our discourse after skipping over the matter.
The troll is quite frankly, a flamer who has cooled down and developed a brain, and tried to mask his desire to evoke a response with a facade of
a) Ignorance
or
b) Logic
depending on whether you are an M Troll or a N Troll.
A troll will not directly start with a personal attack- but will be stubborn and cause the discussion to heat up to the point at which insults are sent flying in every direction and one's attacks seem justified.
Basically, he gets on people's nerves without reaching the level of 'illegality' or obviousness that the flamer does.
The massive troll refuses to listen, and the ninja troll pretends/tries to listen. The ninja troll is a refined class, a difficult balance between troll and real-life debater.
I am a Ninja Troll.
Please try to ignore how stupid that sounds.
Perhaps an example will help in understanding.
Suppose the environment is a Halo forum.
This is what a MTroll will type-
"Call of Duty > Halo
Halo sucks ballz"
sometimes with a little more refinement.
A NTroll will type-
"I love Halo and all, I love the vehicles
but its just not BALANCED man, for online play, and playing without the vehicles its just boring. I think Call of Duty is a tad bit better in that regard"
You might think that the second is a legitimate grouse, and not really a trolling attempt. Your opinion is proven false by empirical data.
Even the most balanced, truly stated opinion- if it goes against popular opinion, will be treated as trolling and your opinion will be feverishly attacked. Where you had hoped for intelligent discussion or rebuttal, you get mostly disjointed drivel and a few pot shots at your intelligence, and several attempts made by others to troll you.
You have, unwittingly become a troll, because you have evoked the kind of response a troll expects to.
So might as well go ahead knowing that no matter how hard you try, unless the public changes its views to match yours- you will remain... a troll. Not that it's always a bad thing. If the choice is being a Troll, Flamer or Moron, sometimes being a Troll is just the intelligent decision.
The Ninja Troll is hard to be, because you need to come up with flawless arguments and behave, more or less, like you aren't a troll. This somehow gets people MUCH angrier than they would at obvious trolls. It's a disadvantage if you want to discuss seriously, but a major advantage if you're just trolling.
No matter what approach you choose, remember the two laws, remember to be detached, and only to do it for the lulz, not out of hatred or something. Emotions are too valuable to be wasted on the internet.
I will talk about one of the world's epic trolling events in recent years in another post Oprah's Over Nine Thousand Penises.
Anyone who wants to practice their arguments can go to Minekey.com or youtube.com (minekey presents a broad spectrum of arguments ranging from the banal to the serious- addictive but often a little too emotional, the trolls there can be truly revolting, youtube is fun and easy for beginners)
You can also vent on Outlook's website, again good for beginners since there are no retorts. One of my posts actually got published, apparently, though I never got to see it in print.
EDIT:
Please note that the methods listed above apply to everything except facebook. Arguing with people you know is not recommended. They can be bull headed and hold a grudge because they know your name and face. Please act like a sycophant and do not be even slightly critical unless in jest or if you are good friends with your opposition. Or you could tell people to fuck off and let me know what happens.
EDIT2:
My expertise on the subject forces me to write more.
I cannot talk of all the detailed techniques involved in internet violence. (The Fade-Away and Run-Away are a few) But I'll mention one more. Sarcasm, Logic, Doggedness and Feigned Ignorance are so deeply required in repartee that they cannot really be called 'Moves', but are rather traits that one must incorporate in their work.
The technique I will discuss is what I have decided to call the 'The Put Down'
I will write about it after dinner.
EDIT3: Done with dinner.
The Put Down
The Put Down is a move originally ended to completely destroy the opposition's argument tear a decisive hole in their ego.
It goes like this. You copy the entire post a guy makes and then deconstruct it, taking each paragraph separately and respond logically and sarcastically to each individually.
An example would be work wonders.
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TheyWantToKillUs69 Posts
The astronots nvr landed on th moon. Th US flag was waving in the wind they shot it all in the desert near area 51.
the mooner lander didn leave a crater wen it left. How cum it didn leave a crater huh?
all the astronots are liars they nver went to the mooon.
srsly
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Buzz Aldrin Posts
The astronots nvr landed on th moon. Th US flag was waving in the wind they shot it all in the desert near area 51.
Do you even know the mechanics of a pendulum, calculate the time taken for the flag cloth to complete one oscillation in the moon's gravity. Don't worry it's mass independent. Also, the only retarding force is the friction due to the rod and not air resistance which you get on earth.
the mooner lander didn leave a crater wen it left. How cum it didn leave a crater huh?
See the video of it taking off on earth during development- did it leave a crater then? Also note that the moon has A sixth of earth's gravity. Also, it's a LUNAR lander. Go to school.
all the astronots are liars they nver went to the mooon.
srsly
Suure they're all liars. All those astronomers and astronauts and government officials and amateur telescope enthusiasts have been lying to us.
Yeah, amateur telescope enthusiasts. 'Coz see, the astronauts left a series of mirrors on the moon which can be seen today. You can take a look if you want.
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Something along those lines.
The pressing problem with the Put Down is its overuse. Having one or two at the fag end of an argument leaves a good impression.
Seeing entire pages of people 'putting down' each other back and forth with no logical progression taking place whatsoever is... quite frankly nauseating.
This is if you actually bother reading them, which you won't. When faced with an endless wall of text, one cannot help but-
------------------------------
"TL:DR"
"wut?"
"Too Long: Didn't Read"
"WHAT THE FU-?!"
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So yeah, curb it. It isn't a finishing move if you keep using it again and again. It's just boring, and usually reduces the entire argument to trying to insult the other's intelligence by nitpicking on their spelling (In the absence of more incriminating evidence).
I would definitely advise against using it on someone you know. I was given a Put Down by someone I knew, a girl I used to like, and was somewhat torn between laughing and crying. Its probably better not to get into that kind of situation.
>_>
Yeah.
