Some things are gonna change here now.
After having a grand readership of perhaps 2, possibly 3 people, I think I'm going to go public.
This is going to be accompanied by a change in material, no more angst ridden, self-loathing/self-pitying, hopeless romanticism. I'm going to try for a series of informed and inspired articles that people might actually want to read, and put up samples of some of the stories I have on the chopping board, and write about possibly political stuff.
Maybe put some background music as well. Something soothing but awesome sounding.
Cheers, my nonexistent readers.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Doppelganger
Dark strands twist 'round her head,
it is slightly turned, familiar, hostile.
A face lies hidden in shades of shadow,
With pleasure, the delusion fills in details.
A moment's glance? Or not even that-
Is enough to send shivers up the spine.
In the moment sown, a seed of doubt,
blossoms in a fertile mind, in darkness.
Can I not free myself of this insanity?
While the mind preaches its wisdom
Something refuses to listen, with malice,
For it knows that it can only bring pain.
I have no reason.
And many reasons.
I sit in wait again, aching in search
of the face of the doppelganger.
To redeem myself, or merely
to feed so delicious a madness.
The same mistake perpetuates itself.
And I sit back, and let it happen.
it is slightly turned, familiar, hostile.
A face lies hidden in shades of shadow,
With pleasure, the delusion fills in details.
A moment's glance? Or not even that-
Is enough to send shivers up the spine.
In the moment sown, a seed of doubt,
blossoms in a fertile mind, in darkness.
Can I not free myself of this insanity?
While the mind preaches its wisdom
Something refuses to listen, with malice,
For it knows that it can only bring pain.
I have no reason.
And many reasons.
I sit in wait again, aching in search
of the face of the doppelganger.
To redeem myself, or merely
to feed so delicious a madness.
The same mistake perpetuates itself.
And I sit back, and let it happen.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Creature of the Night
I've been awake through the nights, studying or mucking about for so long, and finally I'm bored of math. So today I went outside.
What kind of world do we live in? This is supposed to be the darkest hour of night, but the sky is painted with a sombre red. I can forget that the colour comes from the burning lights of the city because there are trees clad in darkness as far as the eye can see. The eye can see so much, as if it were merely early evening.
There is a poignant moment here, as I imagine a world that lives under the red sky. It would be a darker place. Imagine a world in which the sky is a limit, and not infinity, embodiment of a dull hatred instead of lazy independence.
There are many who would choose that sky over our own, because infinity and freedom can be terrifying things.
Have I already taken my first steps into it?
Wild dogs howl close by- are they really strays? They sound like wolves- and the screech of a drunken driver floats from far away.
But right now, this malicious sky sits framed between trees, the cold black wind blows through me, incredible, the wind of night is different from the wind of the morning, and the scene is... beautiful. I would capture the sight but only my eyes see in the night, cameras are built for the day, useless.
But still, this red sky, a bland curtain, is nothing compared to what lies beyond it, a jewel of endless blue that continues to elude me here.
What kind of world do we live in? This is supposed to be the darkest hour of night, but the sky is painted with a sombre red. I can forget that the colour comes from the burning lights of the city because there are trees clad in darkness as far as the eye can see. The eye can see so much, as if it were merely early evening.
There is a poignant moment here, as I imagine a world that lives under the red sky. It would be a darker place. Imagine a world in which the sky is a limit, and not infinity, embodiment of a dull hatred instead of lazy independence.
There are many who would choose that sky over our own, because infinity and freedom can be terrifying things.
Have I already taken my first steps into it?
Wild dogs howl close by- are they really strays? They sound like wolves- and the screech of a drunken driver floats from far away.
But right now, this malicious sky sits framed between trees, the cold black wind blows through me, incredible, the wind of night is different from the wind of the morning, and the scene is... beautiful. I would capture the sight but only my eyes see in the night, cameras are built for the day, useless.
But still, this red sky, a bland curtain, is nothing compared to what lies beyond it, a jewel of endless blue that continues to elude me here.
Friday, March 20, 2009
It rained.
Heh.
There were showers in the morning.
The first time in several months now. I must've been listening to rain as I slept, because I don't have a headache like I usually do when I wake up.
I walked in the morning breeze, letting the icy tinge to the wind numb my skin, let's see what I manage to do today.
I'm am torn between sarcasm and sincerity, and commenting on the irony of my sole use of nature imagery in recent times, (The world seems to have a sense of humour, does it not?) so I'll do both.
(Sarcastically)
Thanks for the rain. That's just what I needed. -_-
And
Thanks for the rain. It's just what I needed.
There were showers in the morning.
The first time in several months now. I must've been listening to rain as I slept, because I don't have a headache like I usually do when I wake up.
I walked in the morning breeze, letting the icy tinge to the wind numb my skin, let's see what I manage to do today.
I'm am torn between sarcasm and sincerity, and commenting on the irony of my sole use of nature imagery in recent times, (The world seems to have a sense of humour, does it not?) so I'll do both.
(Sarcastically)
Thanks for the rain. That's just what I needed. -_-
And
Thanks for the rain. It's just what I needed.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
No more
No more
Searching for words,
Each Needless clash of blades
leaves another cut on the skin,
Needless lacerations.
Tired, weak and lost, one continues,
To search for words to set things right,
Left open to interpretation, selflessness
is selfish, despondent, a failed light.
Now I won't fall for it... your cruel trap,
... is just another attempt to drive me insane,
These words carry false feelings, these remnants
of a butchered ego, they sound so vain.
There are blinds on the window, and blinded
I listen, lifetimes have passed since I last heard rain.
This silence,
I find,
has always carried the answer,
I have
Little to lose, but nothing to gain.
And no reason to endure this pain.
Searching for words,
Each Needless clash of blades
leaves another cut on the skin,
Needless lacerations.
Tired, weak and lost, one continues,
To search for words to set things right,
Left open to interpretation, selflessness
is selfish, despondent, a failed light.
Now I won't fall for it... your cruel trap,
... is just another attempt to drive me insane,
These words carry false feelings, these remnants
of a butchered ego, they sound so vain.
There are blinds on the window, and blinded
I listen, lifetimes have passed since I last heard rain.
This silence,
I find,
has always carried the answer,
I have
Little to lose, but nothing to gain.
And no reason to endure this pain.
Kicking The Habit
This post is different from all the others.
The ones up till now have all been hyperbole and conjecture, this one is a vector (ok, tempted to use the word (<_<)) carrying pragmatic, practical, useful advice.
Addiction is a complex issue, the reasons vary, as do the means of feeding it and of course, how the results affect the rest of your life. It always changes you, and the change is pretty much always for the worse. It will erode you, and eventually you will need to overcome it to avoid crashing and burning.
'Overcome' isn't the right word, actually. You escape. You can say that you 'overcame' an addiction only after much time has passed and you no longer remember the circumstances that led to your escape.
The best way, no, the only way of escaping an addiction is by going Cold Turkey. To those not familiar with the metaphor (slang?), it means that you give up everything at once, utilize a moment of fierce willpower and not wait for it to be made ineffectual by a moment of weakness, and make the change as drastic and painful as possible.
This is opposed to 'phasing out' something.
To put it simply, 'Phasing out' never works. When you say that you want to phase something out, it is simply a way of masking your insincerity- you're not really going to quit- but you'll be able to say that you're making an effort. This is merely for the sake of one's self-satisfaction, or delusion, whichever level of politeness you prefer. We humans are built to change only when forced. All of you going from 2 packs a day to 1, stop kidding yourselves.
Degradation can happen over time, but trying to improve yourself (What word shall we use for it? Upgradation? Recycling?) requires an uncompromising, determined, effort.
I was twelve when I looked at my Pokemon game clock- which had clocked in 270 hours and was waiting for a special event that happened at 300.
A sudden rush of blood to the head (Wait, Yes! That's the Coldplay song! Finally I remember it, I've had the lyrics in my head for a year but didn't remember the name!- "...I'd buy a gun and use it to start a war, if only you could give me something worth fighting for...", uh, anyway-)
A sudden rush of blood to the head made me do the math. 8 useful hours in a day. 4 hours of free time. 35 days of my life wasted, (That would be more than enough to get me into any college of my choice now), 70 days of my free time which could have been spent writing my novel, or learning to play tennis or the flute or the guitar or trying to work on my drawing- I hadn't drawn anything since leaving junior school. And what did I have to show for it? A level 98 Rayquaza and my prized team of hacked pokemon?
Fuck Pokemon.
I'm taking my life back.
And that was the beginning of my fight back. (And also the beginning of my fierce hatred of pokemon, which would probably mark the start of 'adolescence' for me.) I erased those 270 hours, for they would have only leeched more had they remained.
There is no scope for sentimentality here. I've come a long way since then, fought against both addiction and lethargy, failed often, but somehow eventually dug my way out.
The only advice is this- If you really want to quit, you're going Cold Turkey. Right Now. Don't think. Just fucking DO IT.
Edit:
Yes, I'm an expert regarding the matter. You don't have an excuse not to listen.
The ones up till now have all been hyperbole and conjecture, this one is a vector (ok, tempted to use the word (<_<)) carrying pragmatic, practical, useful advice.
Addiction is a complex issue, the reasons vary, as do the means of feeding it and of course, how the results affect the rest of your life. It always changes you, and the change is pretty much always for the worse. It will erode you, and eventually you will need to overcome it to avoid crashing and burning.
'Overcome' isn't the right word, actually. You escape. You can say that you 'overcame' an addiction only after much time has passed and you no longer remember the circumstances that led to your escape.
The best way, no, the only way of escaping an addiction is by going Cold Turkey. To those not familiar with the metaphor (slang?), it means that you give up everything at once, utilize a moment of fierce willpower and not wait for it to be made ineffectual by a moment of weakness, and make the change as drastic and painful as possible.
This is opposed to 'phasing out' something.
To put it simply, 'Phasing out' never works. When you say that you want to phase something out, it is simply a way of masking your insincerity- you're not really going to quit- but you'll be able to say that you're making an effort. This is merely for the sake of one's self-satisfaction, or delusion, whichever level of politeness you prefer. We humans are built to change only when forced. All of you going from 2 packs a day to 1, stop kidding yourselves.
Degradation can happen over time, but trying to improve yourself (What word shall we use for it? Upgradation? Recycling?) requires an uncompromising, determined, effort.
I was twelve when I looked at my Pokemon game clock- which had clocked in 270 hours and was waiting for a special event that happened at 300.
A sudden rush of blood to the head (Wait, Yes! That's the Coldplay song! Finally I remember it, I've had the lyrics in my head for a year but didn't remember the name!- "...I'd buy a gun and use it to start a war, if only you could give me something worth fighting for...", uh, anyway-)
A sudden rush of blood to the head made me do the math. 8 useful hours in a day. 4 hours of free time. 35 days of my life wasted, (That would be more than enough to get me into any college of my choice now), 70 days of my free time which could have been spent writing my novel, or learning to play tennis or the flute or the guitar or trying to work on my drawing- I hadn't drawn anything since leaving junior school. And what did I have to show for it? A level 98 Rayquaza and my prized team of hacked pokemon?
Fuck Pokemon.
I'm taking my life back.
And that was the beginning of my fight back. (And also the beginning of my fierce hatred of pokemon, which would probably mark the start of 'adolescence' for me.) I erased those 270 hours, for they would have only leeched more had they remained.
There is no scope for sentimentality here. I've come a long way since then, fought against both addiction and lethargy, failed often, but somehow eventually dug my way out.
The only advice is this- If you really want to quit, you're going Cold Turkey. Right Now. Don't think. Just fucking DO IT.
Edit:
Yes, I'm an expert regarding the matter. You don't have an excuse not to listen.
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