Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
A mood-dampening realization.
I wanted to be surrounded by interesting people. Intelligent people. Incredible people.
I got my wish.
I guess I never really thought about what that entailed for my own identity. I used to be quite different from the people around me, fairly intelligent, moderately talented, good at learning new things, critically evaluative, aloof to the point of being considered enigmatic or eccentric, well-read and ambitious, in an unfocused sort of way.
The people around me now share many, if not most of these qualities, and I appreciate it.
What it means though, is that I can no longer use these qualities to try to define what I am.
As if it wasn't hard enough already- I can barely understand my own actions most of the time. I used to solve the problem of 'who' by describing 'what' I am, and that used to work. Now I'm just a big blank space.
I don't even know if I have a personality- apart from in the broadest definition of the word. It can't be very interesting.
After all that study and turmoil and hard work, I'm back where I was 5 years ago.
Above average student in a decent institution. Whoop tee dee.
It's been interesting- I've learnt a lot that I wouldn't otherwise... but at the same time it seems like I've grown complacent.
I still have nothing to live for- no goal, no real passion. My grades are forgettable, and I've no real motivation to study... I'm not devoting time to my hobbies, watching random movies instead... I don't want to drink, I don't want to lose myself to some kind of chemical 'happiness', I don't dream, I don't have a career plan- nothing tangible that I want to achieve. I'm counting days till the next exam, that's all.
Speaking of counting days... how long has it been? I haven't even had a pitiable shadow of a love life for 18 months... nothing's gonna change till the 2 year mark, it seems. Not even a crush to keep me distracted, how sad is that?
I still don't have it in me to ask a girl out only to have her reject me outright, and I'm still not interested in the kind of girls that are interested in me.
I really can understand now how it's easier to care less... you minimize your recovery time and maximize trial frequency, how a bastard like me came to believe in the importance of this psychosexual disorder called 'love' is a mystery that really, I've no chance of figuring out. Maybe it's a genetic predisposition.
I think less. I write less. I draw less.
I AM less.
I create less, I consume more.
How am I supposed to impress people when I don't impress myself... it's an exercise in futility right?
I guess that's where I've decided to start. Baby steps.
I wanted to be surrounded by interesting people. Intelligent people. Incredible people.
I got my wish.
I guess I never really thought about what that entailed for my own identity. I used to be quite different from the people around me, fairly intelligent, moderately talented, good at learning new things, critically evaluative, aloof to the point of being considered enigmatic or eccentric, well-read and ambitious, in an unfocused sort of way.
The people around me now share many, if not most of these qualities, and I appreciate it.
What it means though, is that I can no longer use these qualities to try to define what I am.
As if it wasn't hard enough already- I can barely understand my own actions most of the time. I used to solve the problem of 'who' by describing 'what' I am, and that used to work. Now I'm just a big blank space.
I don't even know if I have a personality- apart from in the broadest definition of the word. It can't be very interesting.
After all that study and turmoil and hard work, I'm back where I was 5 years ago.
Above average student in a decent institution. Whoop tee dee.
It's been interesting- I've learnt a lot that I wouldn't otherwise... but at the same time it seems like I've grown complacent.
I still have nothing to live for- no goal, no real passion. My grades are forgettable, and I've no real motivation to study... I'm not devoting time to my hobbies, watching random movies instead... I don't want to drink, I don't want to lose myself to some kind of chemical 'happiness', I don't dream, I don't have a career plan- nothing tangible that I want to achieve. I'm counting days till the next exam, that's all.
Speaking of counting days... how long has it been? I haven't even had a pitiable shadow of a love life for 18 months... nothing's gonna change till the 2 year mark, it seems. Not even a crush to keep me distracted, how sad is that?
I still don't have it in me to ask a girl out only to have her reject me outright, and I'm still not interested in the kind of girls that are interested in me.
I really can understand now how it's easier to care less... you minimize your recovery time and maximize trial frequency, how a bastard like me came to believe in the importance of this psychosexual disorder called 'love' is a mystery that really, I've no chance of figuring out. Maybe it's a genetic predisposition.
I think less. I write less. I draw less.
I AM less.
I create less, I consume more.
How am I supposed to impress people when I don't impress myself... it's an exercise in futility right?
I guess that's where I've decided to start. Baby steps.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son
As with most things, it was DragonballZ that inspired this article. A vague reference by a character in a video game led me to yet another example of the inherent hypocrisy of religion.
"The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son."
I will analyze a bit of biblical text using only one logical tool- Ockham's Razor. The simplest explanation that logically explains phenomenon is usually the correct one and in the absence of proof to the contrary- is to be treated as such.
The text I shall analyse is-
"You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,"
What's the direct interpretation? Well, the God in the Bible is vicious prick who punishes people for being alive. Remember killing the egyptian children for their parents' transgressions?
But the interpretation used by many christians is that-
A father's sin will be passed onto his children because of the way he raises them. Because the child will learn to sin from the father... and thus the father can lead a family astray for many generations. Without proper guidance, the sin will only multiply as the children come into contact with more bad influences.
Oh, puhleez.
"The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son."
I will analyze a bit of biblical text using only one logical tool- Ockham's Razor. The simplest explanation that logically explains phenomenon is usually the correct one and in the absence of proof to the contrary- is to be treated as such.
The text I shall analyse is-
"You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,"
What's the direct interpretation? Well, the God in the Bible is vicious prick who punishes people for being alive. Remember killing the egyptian children for their parents' transgressions?
But the interpretation used by many christians is that-
A father's sin will be passed onto his children because of the way he raises them. Because the child will learn to sin from the father... and thus the father can lead a family astray for many generations. Without proper guidance, the sin will only multiply as the children come into contact with more bad influences.
Oh, puhleez.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Mr. Approachable.
Walking down the street in connaught place with two friends, I was approached for directions.
It wasn't the first time it'd happened. It wasn't the last. It isn't even rare.
It's fairly common.
Perhaps the only reason it'd even be worth mentioning is because the approachee, in this case, was a hot girl, rather than the usual 40 year old parent.
I only caught her face from the corner of my eye as I gave out directions to the nearest McDonalds. I regretted it immediately, of course, when I hot girl speaks to you you damn well look at her face. Instincts take over though... I'm still shy at the most basic level of functioning.
It's no longer coincidence. Even if I'm in a group of people... the one asked for directions, advice, help, is me. Some 85% of the time. Hell, the rest of the time I assume they're talking to me and answer instinctively.
The same thing happened at IIT Delhi, when I tagged as my sister was getting admitted. It happened again in Nehru Place when one guy assumed I knew all the bus routes in Delhi.
Because I'm a generally under employed human being who thinks about six times as much as he needs to, I have spent a bit of time pondering over this.
Can I form I hypothesis to explain this phenomenon, my apparent approachability, in a logical manner?
More importantly.
Can I exploit it for personal gain?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a cold person when it comes to interacting with new people, a not so well hidden mean streak for stupidity, and a master at finding out how to piss people off with minimal effort. So it's not that my personality traits that are somehow apparent in my demeanor.
So switch to physical appearance. This makes more sense. Analyzing my body is a lot less interesting than analyzing my wills, skills, motivations and deviations. My body is pretty unexceptional in comparison.
Which is precisely the answer.
What makes me approachable is probably that I seem non-threatening, but also without displaying any undesirable qualities.
Not tall, not too short either. Not fat, not thin either. Not handsome, not ugly. Not dark skinned, not fair. Not intimidating, not pitiful.
Average.
I generally look like a tramp. Walking with head down and looking at my surroundings rather than at people.
Maybe it looks like I know where I'm going... or maybe I'm just loitering around so I'm easy to approach.
Initial Assessment: This will not help me in any way.
It wasn't the first time it'd happened. It wasn't the last. It isn't even rare.
It's fairly common.
Perhaps the only reason it'd even be worth mentioning is because the approachee, in this case, was a hot girl, rather than the usual 40 year old parent.
I only caught her face from the corner of my eye as I gave out directions to the nearest McDonalds. I regretted it immediately, of course, when I hot girl speaks to you you damn well look at her face. Instincts take over though... I'm still shy at the most basic level of functioning.
It's no longer coincidence. Even if I'm in a group of people... the one asked for directions, advice, help, is me. Some 85% of the time. Hell, the rest of the time I assume they're talking to me and answer instinctively.
The same thing happened at IIT Delhi, when I tagged as my sister was getting admitted. It happened again in Nehru Place when one guy assumed I knew all the bus routes in Delhi.
Because I'm a generally under employed human being who thinks about six times as much as he needs to, I have spent a bit of time pondering over this.
Can I form I hypothesis to explain this phenomenon, my apparent approachability, in a logical manner?
More importantly.
Can I exploit it for personal gain?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a cold person when it comes to interacting with new people, a not so well hidden mean streak for stupidity, and a master at finding out how to piss people off with minimal effort. So it's not that my personality traits that are somehow apparent in my demeanor.
So switch to physical appearance. This makes more sense. Analyzing my body is a lot less interesting than analyzing my wills, skills, motivations and deviations. My body is pretty unexceptional in comparison.
Which is precisely the answer.
What makes me approachable is probably that I seem non-threatening, but also without displaying any undesirable qualities.
Not tall, not too short either. Not fat, not thin either. Not handsome, not ugly. Not dark skinned, not fair. Not intimidating, not pitiful.
Average.
I generally look like a tramp. Walking with head down and looking at my surroundings rather than at people.
Maybe it looks like I know where I'm going... or maybe I'm just loitering around so I'm easy to approach.
Initial Assessment: This will not help me in any way.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
MIT's shitty laptop
To be honest, the 100 dollar laptop is a joke.
Lashing out at the indian gov for not buying into MIT media labs' Negroponte is great and all, but lets see what our alternatives are shall we?
Lets start at the outset.
Families are NOT going to buy a shitty, useless laptop for their kids, they simply don't have that kind of spare cash. It goes into food, education, cell phones (I'll get to this)
How did OLPC plan to make money?
BY MAKING THE GOVT SPEND MILLIONS ON THESE LAPTOPS
then leaving the govt to market them to a public that does not give a shit.
The creators will be lauded as geniuses trying to help the poor, and the govt as incompetents who failed to market the killer product (hey! it's cheap!) to the public.
If the govt tries to say that product quality wasn't up to the mark, or that the pricing was uncompetitive- the media will have a fucking field day with the govt insulting MIT.
First
The PC. PCs are always cheaper than laptops- the MIT model ignored this in favour of mobility. Guess what, a 250 dollar, fully functional PC used by 5 or more children is actually much more economical than a 100 dollar laptop.
Second.
The second hand market.
I had a PC. It cost my parents a bomb when they bought it. I played warcraft on it for many years, learnt a lot. But it was just faar to outdated after 6 years. These days, the son of the man who used to do our gardening might be playing warcraft on it.
The HP Laptop I'm writing on right now is 7 years old. On the market it would fetch me 3-4-5k (60-100 dollars) max. It's ancient. I refuse to sell it though, partially because of nostalgia I feel it is worth much more than the price It'd fetch in the market- even after 7 years of purchase. Someday I'll buy a new laptop, but I will pass this on to some child somewhere who can learn from it- it'd only net me 60 dollars on the market... and it's infinitely better than this 100 dollar OLPC crap. Imagine if there was a mechanism to start this kind of a secondhand business on a huge scale.
Imagine.
Thirdly.
Why would anyone by a 100 dollar laptop when they can get a (relatively) HIGHLY functional phone for 50-60 dollars. The phone translates into communication and tangible benefits rapidly, all without a strong need for literacy- while the 100 dollar laptop without an internet subscription is simply a document/picture viewer with a calculator.
There are fairly functional 30 dollar phones in the market, connecting indians to the world like a 100 (actually almost 200) dollar laptop can't dream of.
This is a wasted effort, according to me. And mixed with the second-hand market- phone prices crash even lower. We just need to use this to get quality tech to the poor instead of throwing it in the bin or smashing it or something.
First
The PC. PCs are always cheaper than laptops- the MIT model ignored this in favour of mobility. Guess what, a 250 dollar, fully functional PC used by 5 or more children is actually much more economical than a 100 dollar laptop.
Second.
The second hand market.
I had a PC. It cost my parents a bomb when they bought it. I played warcraft on it for many years, learnt a lot. But it was just faar to outdated after 6 years. These days, the son of the man who used to do our gardening might be playing warcraft on it.
The HP Laptop I'm writing on right now is 7 years old. On the market it would fetch me 3-4-5k (60-100 dollars) max. It's ancient. I refuse to sell it though, partially because of nostalgia I feel it is worth much more than the price It'd fetch in the market- even after 7 years of purchase. Someday I'll buy a new laptop, but I will pass this on to some child somewhere who can learn from it- it'd only net me 60 dollars on the market... and it's infinitely better than this 100 dollar OLPC crap. Imagine if there was a mechanism to start this kind of a secondhand business on a huge scale.
Imagine.
Thirdly.
Why would anyone by a 100 dollar laptop when they can get a (relatively) HIGHLY functional phone for 50-60 dollars. The phone translates into communication and tangible benefits rapidly, all without a strong need for literacy- while the 100 dollar laptop without an internet subscription is simply a document/picture viewer with a calculator.
There are fairly functional 30 dollar phones in the market, connecting indians to the world like a 100 (actually almost 200) dollar laptop can't dream of.
This is a wasted effort, according to me. And mixed with the second-hand market- phone prices crash even lower. We just need to use this to get quality tech to the poor instead of throwing it in the bin or smashing it or something.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
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