What I Like

I've always liked science.
And english.

My earliest dream, was to be a writer, so I write. About what? Anything I guess.

I enjoy learning, I enjoyed history, geography, political science when I had to. Economics was boring at first, but became more and more interesting as I was introduced to the microeconomics and statistical reasoning of Freakonomics.

I enjoy physics and maths- as long as I can relate it to real life.
I enjoy updating myself on psychology, even dabble in philosophy... though there are times I lose respect for either field, mostly when they try to take a place of eminence over the raw sciences.

I love biology. I was forced to leave it in 10th grade to pursue programming. I enjoy programming, and content creation with software- graphics design, I was good at it too, till I stopped doing it regularly and learning new techniques. I'm still better than posers that morph their own images on facebook. I'd like to show them down, show them what REAL skill is, but that involves becoming a poser myself- Dichotomy.

I like art, I draw frequently, but I can't say if my taste in the fine arts is as developed as is needed to be in tune with the times- hell I appreciate The Scream and the Dada movement but some of Picasso's works just make me want to scream 'CRAP!'
Modern Art? Pfft, drug induced psychedelia and chimpanzees throwing their excrements at a piece of paper- and art so bad that it has to be a critique or analysis or something equally smart- never understood that. Everything should explain itself- a big believer in articulation.

I enjoy tinkering with machines as well. Wish my parents had played that up when they pushed me into engineering. Fools, they are, and I can never understand why they've never managed to understand me. I do what interests me, and I have no other motivation. Its not so hard to work with- after all, my interest is piqued by a great many things.

I disliked chemistry. It was tolerable but I would never want to study it further.
I'm doing Chemical Engineering. Could have taken anything from Electrical to Comp Sci in a five year course but my own lack of initiative and my parents' dogmatic idea of what my future should be ('don't do an MSc.!!! Don't do a 5 year course!!! Don't waste a year!!!') along with sickening advice from the vice chancellor ('No, don't let him do what he wants! :D')

Still, I won't complain, its a pretty good college, the people are brilliant, most people can complain about how they are not in an IIT- I'm one of the few who has no reason to be depressed, at least as far as the intelligence of students and the level of competition are concerned.

But no matter how hard I work I get no reward- marks have never really been a big motivator for me- I need something more tangible, I see people who scored fewer marks than me on every avenue, can't match me in any kind of competition- doing the degree(s) that I wanted to, why?

No reason.

No reason at all.

I scored the marks. I just asked for advice, thinking that people would have no reason to undermine my motives. Turns out that people don't need a motive to kill my happiness.

Its infuriating.
Yes.
So I'm doing a chemical engineering degree with no interest in working on an oil rig or paint factory.
What now? Do an MBA and get out of it-? Just like mummy-papa always wanted.
That path is tainted simply because its being forced on me.

I enjoy the MBA curriculum as well, because I typed out my dad's MBA projects in Australia back when he really couldn't type fluently.

What the Chemical Engineering degree does open up a few avenues that I'd thought I'd lost a long time ago.
That old love- Biology.
The nice thing about being an Engineer is that you're treated like a genius, and doing your degree from a college like mine means that the chemical engineer is treated more qualified than a guy whose done a masters in biotech from a little known college.

Oh, and if I leave India, the average starting salary is some 25 lakhs a year.

Anger Management

Might as well deliver some of my choice conversations with miscellaneous vendors.

Advertiser = A
Me = Me

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Airtel
------------------------------------------------------------------

A: Hello sir.

Me: Yes.

A: Sir, I am speaking from Airtel sir.

Me: What is this regarding?

A: Actually sir we have some new offers regarding broadband connections.

Me: Oh?

A: Sir, I'd like to tell you about our plans.

Me: *politely* No need. I want an Airtel Broadband Connection.

A: *Shocked* Really! sir?

Me: Yes. In fact, I've been applying for the connection for the last month and you keep refusing to give it to me.

A: Uh, sir, where do you live?

Me: Kaka Nagar.

A: *Pause* Actually, sir, we don't have wiring in that area, so thats why-

Me: Then why the fuck are you calling to offer me Internet?

*disconnected*

--------------------------------------------------------------------
FIITJEE
--------------------------------------------------------------------

A: Hello, *Insert old FIITJEE ID No. Here*, Could you please tell me your ranks in JEE, AIEEE, CEE and the boards?

Me: No.

A: *Pissed* What? Why?

Me: FIITJEE does not deserve credit for any of those things.

A: What makes you say that?

Me: Your teaching methods didn't work on me.

A: You're saying that we don't know how to prepare you for JEE? Don't you know that JEE rank 1 is from FIITJEE. You think he is wrong or you are wrong? He has written thank you letter.

Me: Not my place to decide, your method must have worked for him.

A: What do you think we did wrong?

Me: You treated students like cattle. Didn't even provide a proper toilet.

A: How dare you say. You didn't get through anywhere and you blame us?! Rank 1 is from FIITJEE! Its because YOU weren't prepared! YOU couldn't handle it! Join our 1 year programme and maybe next year you can atleast get something in AIEEE.

Its your fault! YOUR only chance now-

Me: *Pissed* It didn't work the first time... Also I'VE GOTTEN IN- SO STOP CALLING ME!

*SLAM*

----------------------------------------------------------------
Random Female
---------------------------------------------------------------

A: Sir, I'm calling to offer you...

Me: How did you get my number?

A: Sir I'm calling to... offer a card/insurance/something blah blah

Me: How did you get my number?

A: Actually sir, we're calling to offer blah blah

Me: Don't you know I'm in the national do not call directory?

A: Actually sir, I don't know... I'm just a sales rep.

Me: What, you're calling me on this number and you don't know how you got it or if its legal? What kind of shoddy employee are you?

A: Actually sir, the telephone providers sell us the number-lists of those who aren't on the Do not call list. They must have forgot to update.

Me: My Service Provider is selling my number?

A: Yes sir.

Me: What do you know about this? Is it legal- I thought there were laws against this kind of thing.

A: I don't know sir.

Me: I'm pretty sure there are, could you please give me your number so I can confirm and call back- what company did you say you were calling from?

*Disconnected*

----------------------------------------
Today
----------------------------------------

A: Sir, are you Amitabh Kumar?

Me: No.

A: Is this 91MYNUMBER?

Me: Yes.

A: Are you the current user of this phone.

Me: Yes.

A: Sir your number has been selected in a lucky draw for a special offer, we're offering you a Platinum credit card!

Me: Lucky draw?

A: Yes sir, we're offering you the card available instantly and with no limits, no conditions, no verification and no asset checks!

Me: *snap* NO ASSET CHECKS?

A: *cheerfully* Yup.

Me: What the hell is this? Do you people do NO RESEARCH AT ALL?!

A: Wha-

Me: I have no salary or credit history and you want to give people like me a limitless credit card at 30% interest?! ARE YOU ACTIVELY TRYING TO GET PEOPLE INTO DEBT?

A: Now listen to me sir-

Me: DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSED THE RECESSION WE'RE IN?!

A: *murmurs of protest*

Me: Stupid banks.

*Disconnect*

------------------------------------------
Short one
------------------------------------------

A: Hello sir, I'd like to offer you a long term property investment plan.

Me: How often do you call someone this is even vaguely relevant to?

*Disconnect*

Fleeting

Why am I sitting here?

German nuclear waste fuelling an iranian bomb, or is it Libyan or Ethiopian? No clue.

Any real reason to stay here? No, not really. I have nothing to say. Nothing to do, 

but wait for an electrodynamics test tomorrow. No real reason to sit here, so I might as 

well start typing. I am actually observing this damn thing, I think.

What the hell is going on. Hyperbole. More Hyperbole. And more hyperbole. My mind is going 

to rot with a little more of this crap. Five thousand rupees is not nearly enough to warrant 

24 hours of this. 

The crisis was designed to destroy the alliances that had popped up in the last round of the 

event. And it has. Pakistan has decided to switch sides after all. The event has turned into a very interesting bitch fight. I have a smile at the corner of my mouth.  

Maybe I should have sit in the HRC after all. Nice people who don't argue over anything to 

pass legislation in support of nice things like human rights. Even the most brutally 

inhumane of regimes have turned into puffy fluffballs in the hands of India's great student 

body. Boring, though.

And what about me? The poor messenger chap seems to be interested in me. He's stuffed pieces 

of paper into the gap between my head and my ear. Can't say that I understand that. Everyone 

 from my college is weird as hell. He's weird too.

Am I supposed to care about the casual flirtations that are taking place within the room 

under guise of what is supposed to be a Model United Nations summit. It's shameful. It's a 

mating ritual. I don't even know why the notes are being shared with me. I am beginning to 

feel like a voyeur. I don't like feeling like a voyeur. 

I knew I should have just left... 

but I guess we all let optimism come to us as a friend, even though it's been an old enemy.

I like the Chair. He's trying to make this a Sci Fi novel. 

Fun. 

Passionate Speech. 

"All I here is idealistic speaking without practical action. Just like the real UN. Every legislation is rendered ineffectual by its own clauses. That is NOT what we are supposed to be."

Actually it is. But fuck that for a while.

I'm hearing the same shit over 

and 

over

and 

over 

and 

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

again.

Phew.

Anyway MUN. Bye.

Cain Shephard - Infiltrator, Paragon, Sole Survivor

Birthday

Interesting phenomenon, this birthday. I will count the number of wishes I have received. It's a freaking barrage...

...70+ people have wished me, I haven't responded to the last 15 or 20. Since when have I been this popular? Since when have people been so bored?

My birthdays have always been a sordid affair, another day that I strangle my desires for the greater good, act more or less selfless, and whine. Today wasn't so different in how it played out, though.

The day was started with casual beatings and what can only be classified as 'chutiyaap' past midnight, moved into brief skirmishes with sleep, then fast forwarded to a scene with me running blind through the night and failing to keep my vomit from spilling onto the earth. I have managed to contract a bad case of diarrhoea.

Hours of time meant for sleep, used instead to decontaminate my internal systems with loud groans, and less pleasant sounds. As the sun rose, I reached my books. Test. Study. Electrodynamics. Fucked it up nicely as well.

And the day ended with a pigeon defecating on my new jacket. I'm not wearing it again- for a while now.

All in all, all the critical elements of a Classic Anjishnu Kumar Birthday were present.

1. Test/Exam Check.

2. Senseless Violence Check

3. Unnecessary Drama, Anger and Attention-Seeking Check

4. Me Trying Very Hard To Pretend That It Isn't My Birthday So I Don't Have To Deal With The Fact That My Birthdays Suck. Check

5. No Birthday Present Check, though it isn't so irritating now.

6. Below Average Luck Check.

Very classic, though with a fairly new bent leaning towards favouring unwanted effluvia as the choice means of depriving me of happiness.

Still, seventy something wishes is a lot. Crap.

An_k's Guide to Arguing on the Internet

Arguing on the internet is a complex phenomenon, a modern day user should be well aware of the pitfalls and mystifying techniques of arguing over the internet.

As an expert on the subject, I will now present the results of my extensive personal research and the opinions of other expert sociologists (a.k.a other people who've never studied sociology)

To start off, I'll quote an anonymous friend.

"Arguing on the Internet is like arguing with a retarded child- There is no 'winning', only ever deeper levels of shame." (This is also RULE 1 of arguing on the internet)

Truer words haven't been said.

There is no conclusive victory to be had on the internet. Those who argue for a sense of final domination over another will be destroyed on the internet.

It is impossible to corner someone and force a reaction. Hell, its impossible in real life, unless you use methods of physical intimidation or other coercion.

On the other hand, everyone on the internet- even the most inept debater- will have mastered the 'fade-away' defensive maneuver that renders the ham-fisted approach null.

NOTE: Note, the ham-fisted arguer is the guy who uses power, and not logic to substantiate a view. Possibly a physically powerful man used to bullying others into submission in the real world- or someone functioning within a group- and deriving power from that group. Yes, the school bully and the message-board-evangelist come under the same category.

The 'fade-away' is a simple technique that all warriors, ninjas and assassins of the keyboard should know.

It consists of disappearing from an argument altogether, thereby creating a status quo in your favour. The fade-away should not be confused with the 'run-away' aka disappearing when you start to lose. The fade away, if performed correctly, is a powerful finishing blow. It tells your opponent that you do not even consider him worthy enough to continue the argument, leaves you invulnerable to further attack (as the man will only end up speaking to himself) and can deal a stinging blow to someone's ego as they think that you think you've won the argument.

(Please note, however, that you should not think you've won- remember rule 1)

A fade-away is to be performed after you land a critical hit, so to speak, and the opponent is unable to stop himself from from sounding like an ass and you've got a wide opening to attack- you initiate a cold-hearted stab to the heart- but without going overboard, and remembering to include hints of arrogance and of losing interest, and then disappearing into the swirls of another electronic dimension, seemingly never to return.

A 'Run-away' on the other hand, is to evade defeat by well, going poof. Much less honourable, but equally annoying.

I should talk about the two major forms of trouble-makers on the net-

The Flamer and the Troll.

Before I begin my introduction, I will tell you WHY.

Why fight on the internet? What have you to gain?

Nothing- as I replied earlier. The only gain is for those who simply cannot resist the temptation to interfere. The interference, and attempt to propagate one's own views, the act is the only reward one can expect. Rarely, it is possible, that you might enlighten a person and let him see in a way he did not earlier, but don't stake your reputation on it.

Those who simply like annoying people will take to trolling like iron powder to an electromagnet- because gullible morons who let the internet get to them are the only thing that is guaranteed in this field of work.

The reason that I do it, is probably the same reason that many of you will- it's a great way of taking out your frustration on random strangers on the internet.

I think that I will define the second law of AotI here-

Channel your negative emotions into the internet, but never let the internet affect you negatively. Seriously, you aren't supposed to care about some guy who you'll never meet who knows nothing about you, grow a thicker skin, please.

On to the two basic classes of internet mudslingers-

1) The FLAMER

Flaming is simple, flaming is easy. It stirs up a storm rather frequently and burns out quickly. Perfect for people with a short attention spam and a penchant for making many, many fake accounts. Sadly, flaming is easy to recognize, and hence, easy to be penalized for on online fora. In an era of IP bans, not a good idea.

The concept is simple. Insult another person directly, rage and fume incoherently, make a few personal attacks and random insults until you get a response. You will probably be kicked out soon afterwards.

This was the original method of choice back when the brains of the argumentarian were somewhat... under-developed. I won't recommend this method if you plan to stick to any community- it may also lower your IQ on prolonged use.

E.g

acewing22: Lol I love star wars and the xwings

fireballx2: acewing22 has a small dick and rapes little children

Flaming is traditionally associated with being angry or upset or the like, but these days Cold-Flaming- throwing insults with no provocation whatsoever, has become fairly common.

2) The Troll

The troll is the internet debater's method of choice. The troll can be further divided into the Massive Troll and the Ninja Troll.

The nomenclature of the word 'trolling' for this form of argument is intriguing and no doubt has a rich history somewhat related to Gremlins and that old Ernest movie with the trolls (scary shit), which have given rise to the term 'Don't feed the trolls'. I am not aware of anything related to the etymology of the word, so we must continue our discourse after skipping over the matter.

The troll is quite frankly, a flamer who has cooled down and developed a brain, and tried to mask his desire to evoke a response with a facade of

a) Ignorance

or

b) Logic

depending on whether you are an M Troll or a N Troll.

A troll will not directly start with a personal attack- but will be stubborn and cause the discussion to heat up to the point at which insults are sent flying in every direction and one's attacks seem justified.

Basically, he gets on people's nerves without reaching the level of 'illegality' or obviousness that the flamer does.

The massive troll refuses to listen, and the ninja troll pretends/tries to listen. The ninja troll is a refined class, a difficult balance between troll and real-life debater.

I am a Ninja Troll.

Please try to ignore how stupid that sounds.

Perhaps an example will help in understanding.

Suppose the environment is a Halo forum.

This is what a MTroll will type-

"Call of Duty > Halo

Halo sucks ballz"

sometimes with a little more refinement.

A NTroll will type-

"I love Halo and all, I love the vehicles

but its just not BALANCED man, for online play, and playing without the vehicles its just boring. I think Call of Duty is a tad bit better in that regard"

You might think that the second is a legitimate grouse, and not really a trolling attempt. Your opinion is proven false by empirical data.

Even the most balanced, truly stated opinion- if it goes against popular opinion, will be treated as trolling and your opinion will be feverishly attacked. Where you had hoped for intelligent discussion or rebuttal, you get mostly disjointed drivel and a few pot shots at your intelligence, and several attempts made by others to troll you.

You have, unwittingly become a troll, because you have evoked the kind of response a troll expects to.

So might as well go ahead knowing that no matter how hard you try, unless the public changes its views to match yours- you will remain... a troll. Not that it's always a bad thing. If the choice is being a Troll, Flamer or Moron, sometimes being a Troll is just the intelligent decision.

The Ninja Troll is hard to be, because you need to come up with flawless arguments and behave, more or less, like you aren't a troll. This somehow gets people MUCH angrier than they would at obvious trolls. It's a disadvantage if you want to discuss seriously, but a major advantage if you're just trolling.

No matter what approach you choose, remember the two laws, remember to be detached, and only to do it for the lulz, not out of hatred or something. Emotions are too valuable to be wasted on the internet.

I will talk about one of the world's epic trolling events in recent years in another post Oprah's Over Nine Thousand Penises.

Anyone who wants to practice their arguments can go to Minekey.com or youtube.com (minekey presents a broad spectrum of arguments ranging from the banal to the serious- addictive but often a little too emotional, the trolls there can be truly revolting, youtube is fun and easy for beginners)

You can also vent on Outlook's website, again good for beginners since there are no retorts. One of my posts actually got published, apparently, though I never got to see it in print.

EDIT:

Please note that the methods listed above apply to everything except facebook. Arguing with people you know is not recommended. They can be bull headed and hold a grudge because they know your name and face. Please act like a sycophant and do not be even slightly critical unless in jest or if you are good friends with your opposition. Or you could tell people to fuck off and let me know what happens.

EDIT2:

My expertise on the subject forces me to write more.

I cannot talk of all the detailed techniques involved in internet violence. (The Fade-Away and Run-Away are a few) But I'll mention one more. Sarcasm, Logic, Doggedness and Feigned Ignorance are so deeply required in repartee that they cannot really be called 'Moves', but are rather traits that one must incorporate in their work.

The technique I will discuss is what I have decided to call the 'The Put Down'

I will write about it after dinner.

EDIT3: Done with dinner.

The Put Down

The Put Down is a move originally ended to completely destroy the opposition's argument tear a decisive hole in their ego.

It goes like this. You copy the entire post a guy makes and then deconstruct it, taking each paragraph separately and respond logically and sarcastically to each individually.

An example would be work wonders.

-------------------------------------------

TheyWantToKillUs69 Posts

The astronots nvr landed on th moon. Th US flag was waving in the wind they shot it all in the desert near area 51.

the mooner lander didn leave a crater wen it left. How cum it didn leave a crater huh?

all the astronots are liars they nver went to the mooon.

srsly

-------------------

Buzz Aldrin Posts

The astronots nvr landed on th moon. Th US flag was waving in the wind they shot it all in the desert near area 51.

Do you even know the mechanics of a pendulum, calculate the time taken for the flag cloth to complete one oscillation in the moon's gravity. Don't worry it's mass independent. Also, the only retarding force is the friction due to the rod and not air resistance which you get on earth.

the mooner lander didn leave a crater wen it left. How cum it didn leave a crater huh?

See the video of it taking off on earth during development- did it leave a crater then? Also note that the moon has A sixth of earth's gravity. Also, it's a LUNAR lander. Go to school.

all the astronots are liars they nver went to the mooon.

srsly

Suure they're all liars. All those astronomers and astronauts and government officials and amateur telescope enthusiasts have been lying to us.

Yeah, amateur telescope enthusiasts. 'Coz see, the astronauts left a series of mirrors on the moon which can be seen today. You can take a look if you want.

-----------------------------------------------------

Something along those lines.

The pressing problem with the Put Down is its overuse. Having one or two at the fag end of an argument leaves a good impression.

Seeing entire pages of people 'putting down' each other back and forth with no logical progression taking place whatsoever is... quite frankly nauseating.

This is if you actually bother reading them, which you won't. When faced with an endless wall of text, one cannot help but-

------------------------------

"TL:DR"

"wut?"

"Too Long: Didn't Read"

"WHAT THE FU-?!"

----------------------

So yeah, curb it. It isn't a finishing move if you keep using it again and again. It's just boring, and usually reduces the entire argument to trying to insult the other's intelligence by nitpicking on their spelling (In the absence of more incriminating evidence).

I would definitely advise against using it on someone you know. I was given a Put Down by someone I knew, a girl I used to like, and was somewhat torn between laughing and crying. Its probably better not to get into that kind of situation.

>_>

Yeah.

Strange lyric to relate to-

"...Slowly recovered your mind,

But your soul's gone cold-

and your hope has run dry."

A Pop Deathmetal song was the last place that would set me thinking.

I don't really have an urge to write these days. There are no repressed feelings of worthlessness, impotence, impatience, anger, anything that goes beyond the mundane, now. And I have every intention of keeping it that way. There is no raw passion that wants to leak into words and pour into the world, and while it is something I might miss, I will not miss it enough to try to whip myself into another 'artistic' frenzy.

So what I have left is incisiveness and sarcasm, and I intend to use it to the full. Expect a Guide to Arguing On The Internet, along with a few brutal thoughts on homosexuality and transgender operations, and maybe some ranting. Ranting is nice.

I think I'll start on something tonight. Just a few more episodes of Supernatural and chapters of Yggdra Union.